Back in the Hospital

When I got to my room, the admitting nurse tried to make me as comfortable as possible. But because of my condition, water restriction was ordered. And I was thirsty. Real thirsty. The nephrologists, (kidney specialist), then came in to have a little talk with me. I was dying of thirst, and talk would make me thirstier, and I’m very sorry now for being rude, but I was. I told him I just wanted my endocrinologist to be contacted – she would know what needed to be done. The kidney doc wanted to do tests. I had a gut feeling he was wasting his time, and I told him so. After telling him a little bit about my surgery, and yelling for my mother a number of times, he finally left. He said he would try to contact my endocrinologist.

As the night progressed a new shift came on and things got worse. Even though an IV bag of something was being pumped into my veins, I wasn’t feeling any improvement. As a matter of fact, an incredible feeling of impending doom was rising within me. I called the nurse, but the shift change had given me someone much less desirable than my previous nurse. She said she couldn’t give me any medication for my discomfort as there weren’t any orders written yet.

My anxiety was rising. Finally, the nurse came in and said my endocrinologist was on the phone. After begging her to help me, she said she didn’t have any privileges at the hospital I was in, which was 1-1/2 hours away. She would call my primary care doctor and give her recommendations on how to treat me. I told her I knew the nurse here was trying to kill me. She said I needed Ativan, a powerful anti-anxiety medication, but the orders had to come from my local doctor. I also needed a high dose of steroids, Solu-Cortef, as I hadn’t taken enough prednisone. I was experiencing a combination of system failures. In the meantime, she suggested I ask a nurse for a paper bag to breathe into so I wouldn’t hyperventilate.

I hung up and asked my nurse for a paper bag. Sounds like a simple request, right? Well, she stood there and glared at me, without bothering to check around anywhere, and said a flat out “No, I can’t do that.” And without explanation, she left me alone in my distraught condition. I was so scared out of my mind, I would probably have jumped out the window if I could just to stop the feeling (To this day, this was the worse case of anxiety I had ever experienced). And being treated this way ignited my desire to act out – which I did. I demanded to get a more comfortable bed (which I ended up getting). I cried and wailed. My panic escalated. The nurse came in and told me I would have to be quiet or she would get orders for restraints. Are you kidding me? Having worked in the hospital, I knew all about restraints, and that was the last thing I wanted. So she left the room, and as I stood near my bed, wondering how I could throw myself through the window, I heard, “She is such a bitch!”

With all my freaking out I hadn’t noticed the lady in the bed next to mine. She had her leg in traction. I told her how sorry I was: “I can’t help myself – I feel like I’m jumping out of my skin!” She said it was okay, and that maybe it would help if we just talked about it. But first, would I please turn the heat down in our room? It was pretty warm in there.

I knew where the temperature regulator was located and got up to turn the heat down. After hanging my IV bag on a pole, I walked over to where the temperature regulator was, but my vision was too blurry for me to see the numbers on the dial. This set the panic in motion again. My roommate apparently could see I was struggling, so just told me to turn it in the cooler position and forget about it. Being with her kept me sane that night, but I didn’t stop trying to get a sedative. The nurse gave me a lookwhich I was all too familiar with from my work in the ER. It was the look nurses reserved for patients they referred to as “drug seekers.” I knew exactly what she was thinking – that I was just another drug-seeking psycho. And she treated me accordingly.

I was so thankful when my family doctor came early the next morning. She had talked to my endocrinologist and ordered all the medication I needed, and wrote up the appropriate treatment plan. After climbing the walls all night, I would finally get some relief – and so would my roommate.

Cheers!

TPP